Matthew updates!

"Look what mom makes me wear!"

Here's my newest diaper creation. Very cute and fluffy. Matthew wasn't a very willing model though! It sure is cute on him though.

Somber, Matthew! We don't get too many smiles from our little "budder nut" (his official nickname-it started from little buddy and evolved!

Mom got so excited trying to catch his smile the picture turned out pretty fuzzy! It's the only one I got though.

Matthew had a doctor appointment today. He's three months and a week or so. He weighed 12lbs 3 oz. His head circumference was 44 cm- which is up. His phenobarbital level is 19. The first time it's been in therapeutic range for at least 6 weeks; but still on the low end. His pediatrician-along with his mommy- are a bit worried with all the "ticks" and 'jerkiness" Matthew is doing. Dr Springman called his neurologist and got his EEG moved up to Tuesday. I'm waiting patiently-not really-for this appointment. I'm actually fairly apprehensive about it. I'm been silently concerned for a while now with his neurologic status. Something just doesn't feel right.

I'm also entering into a new area of,well, I guess you'd call it grief. I thought I was done crying about this hydrocephalus crap. These feelings haven't surfaced since before Matthew was born. But now I'm seeing him starting to miss milestones; not holding his head up, very RARELY smiling (and mostly when he smiles it's not at people, but when his favorite music is playing. ) The receptionist today when we checked in thought he was sick. He was nuzzled into my shoulder and she said, "oh poor baby, don't you feel good?". I almost burst into tears right there. I am actually very shocked I'm feeling this way. I mean, really; my baby is ALIVE. Not everyone is lucky and blessed enough to bring home babies. Lately, I've become very aware of those either through SIDS or stillbirth who aren't able hold and kiss there babies . I have a beautiful baby to smooch all day. But every once in a while, these feeling sneek in. I'm just, well, sad I guess. Sad he's not smiling very much; sad he's not holding his head up, sad he can't try out his new bumbo I bought for him, sad he can't ride in his sling facing out so he can get a new perspective of the world; sad he doesn't hold his head up well enough to tolerate sitting in his bouncy seat so he can watch his brothers and sister work on school work; sad that when i talk to him he more often cries than coos, sad that I'm sometimes relieved when he falls asleep because he's not fussing anymore. I'm sick of forcing medicine down my child 2 times a day. Even though his appointments have thinned significantly, I'm sick of doctors poking and prodding him, (although we LOVE, LOVE our occupational therapist that comes to our home each week.) and sick of trying to find places for my kids to be while we are at the doctors. More often they end up coming with us and it's really too much to ask 3 kids to sit still for 1-2 hours in an 8x9 room filled with things they shouldn't touch-we're all frustrated by the time the day's over.

All right, pity party is over. I almost deleted what I just wrote, but I'm gonna leave it. I want to be honest. I want everyone who reads this to know I LOVE this little guy with all my heart, and I thank God everyday for my beautiful little miracle; but that it's not always easy. It feels good to write it too. To just get it out. I guess it's free therapy :)

I'll post an update on his appointment Tuesday. I don't know how much we'll know until he sees the neurologist the next week, but I'll write what I know.

Happy birthday to Megan and my brother!

Megan turned 8 August 21 and my brother turned 27 today! We are full of August birthdays! Hey, I just realized that James and I both celebrated our golden birthdays in the same year. Cool,huh

Thanks, Connie for the pic! I "stole" this from my brother's MIL's blog! This one was better than the one I would've posted!

3 months old and random bits

Matthew is 3 months old today. And we've survived the first 3 days of school, whew! I didn't fall of the face of the earth either :)

Matthew 3 months old, wide awake and content!

Matthew's first friend! This is Miles, and he lives here in Lincoln, and he is so stinkin' cute. He was also born with hydrocephalus and it's wonderful to have another family in town to bounce ideas off of.

Our traditional "first day of school" picture. Mason had to be included,too!

Mason, getting ready to go outside. Like his shiner?? Trampoline accident-he met Micah's head :(

My brother, "uncle Curt" snugglin Matthew. He was quite fussy the evening this pic was taken, but Curtis could get him to settle right down, and then they slept!!

Happy Birthday to my mother!

This was taken last year! Mom and Megan share the same birthday month. But it's my moms birthday today, and a special one since it's 08/08/08! Cool huh! Happy birthday to the best mom ever! We love you lots and LOTS!

Blog?....What blog?

Okay, so I've fallen off the blog bandwagon :( I love my blog, hey I just redecorated; but life is starting to get busy again! Or...should I say busier! I officially go back to work tomorrrow. Bummer... it's a good thing I LOVE what I do, because I have REALLY enjoyed being home. Unfortuneately, I carry the insurance and it's pretty good insurance. Steve works for a small (2 employee) company, so NO benefits. And now we'll ALWAYS have to have good insurance> So it's back to work I go.
School is starting soon, like the 18th! Some of you may or may not know; we homeschool, so truly we could wait on this a week, but I like to have a schedule and stick with it if possible. I haven't even pulled out my materials yet (good thing I bought them while I was still pregnant!). I need to get my heiny in gear! Really, all I need is one GOOD day to get ready. Hopefully that'll be this Sunday or Monday.
And, Mr. Matthew does not understand the meaning of bedtime yet. I don't know why, but bedtime usually comes somewhere around 2-4 a.m. for me. See he's in our room, and I try to keep him quiet as Steve has to work in the morning; which usually puts us in the living room. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight in my bed for a LONG! time. I'm itchin' for a routine, but I can't seem to get him into one. Between his last surgery, reflux and figuring out he's intolerant to dairy in my milk, he's not been the happiest camper.
SOOOO....you may not see much of me around these parts for a couple weeks...please forgive me. I will return when we get into a groove! I'm a little worn and weary, PRAISE GOD I have older children who can help me and let me nap in the afternoon. I am very blessed!!
I will however (hopefully) in the next couple days post some pictures. Matthew has made his first friend! We were able to get together with another family here in Lincoln who's child was also born with hydrocephalus. His Mommy, Sherri, also has a blog and has been a huge inspiration and "go-to" person when questions arise. Miles is 4 1/2 months older than Matthew, it helps to know where we're going! Sherri, her husband Joe, Greta and Miles came to our home Monday and we had great time and the kids played well. Our kids had a blast with their daughter, Greta, who is 2. I had to GENTLY remind them though, that she is only 2. They wanted to bounce her on the trampoline and all sorts of other things!
Well, off to deal with Mr. fussy. He's had his share of his swing.

2 months old and doctor appointments

It's a little late, (like a week) but here's his 2 month picture. He was NOT happy that day. He had just gotten his first shot. Only 1 picture that he wasn't screaming his little heart out. At the doctors he was 10 lbs 5 oz and 21 3/4 long(10-25%). His head circumference was 42 cm(97%).

Today he THREE doctor appointments!!! The first doctor appointment was the pediatric neurosurgeon. We met Sherri there! How cool, huh! Dr Puccioni says everything is great! We don't see him for 2 months! Yeah!

Next we drove to Omaha to see Dr. Troia, he opthamologist. They did an eye exam; and it was AWFUL! We won't do that again. They dilated his eyes and they put numbing drops in them. Then he proceeded to use a clamp that clamped onto his eyelids and then PRIED his eyes open and wouldn't let them close to even blink. Then they took this stick-like instrument and started moving his eyeballs all around. It was HORRIBLE!!!! He just screamed! and momma cried, too. He says everything is normal and his optic nerves look wonderful. Good news; if he had to be traumatized. He wants to see us again when he is 6 months old. I asked him is he was going to have to do that test again and he said, "no". I told him that was good, because we wouldn't come back if he was going to. I don't think I can EVER do that again. He had big marks on his eyelids for over an hour.

The last appointment was with the pediatric surgeon who did his hydrocele surgery. I'm glad I didn't make a special trip to Omaha just for that. I waited in his office for almost an hour. Then he came rushing in and took his diaper off and said, "looks great, the steri-strips will fall off in another week". Well, I could've told you that. He was seriously in the room maybe 30 seconds. It's an HOUR drive! Thank goodness I was already there! Matthew had enough trauma for the day though, so I'm glad in a way it was no more than that.

That was an exhausting day! Whooo! Well time to relax! And smooch my baby!

Creativity

I love being crafty. Having the time to do so, is limited. I love to sew and knit. Well, I got a bug. I wanted to make something. Then I got the perfect opportunity! Look what I made!!!





It's called "Hot Mama" diaper bag. I found the pattern on-line. I couldn't resist. I found the cutest fabric too with coordinating yellow to go inside.
View of the inside. On the left hand side there is a matching changing pad. The front and back have 2 pockets each. The right side has a magnetic closing key-chain hook, a cell phone pocket and a pocket for a wallet. There is also a yellow pocket on either side on the outside. Cute huh, and nice and DEEP!

Notice the foot?Here's my cutie modeling it! (It's a bit big for her) I found a free pattern on the internet to make a matching wallet. I have enough fabric left over so, I'm going to try to do that and get it sent on Friday. Sent??? to who??? Guess who?<--------click on it !!

I love it so much I'm gonna make one for myself....someday :)