Friday, August 29, 2008

Matthew updates!

"Look what mom makes me wear!"
Here's my newest diaper creation. Very cute and fluffy. Matthew wasn't a very willing model though! It sure is cute on him though.

Somber, Matthew! We don't get too many smiles from our little "budder nut" (his official nickname-it started from little buddy and evolved!

Mom got so excited trying to catch his smile the picture turned out pretty fuzzy! It's the only one I got though.

Matthew had a doctor appointment today. He's three months and a week or so. He weighed 12lbs 3 oz. His head circumference was 44 cm- which is up. His phenobarbital level is 19. The first time it's been in therapeutic range for at least 6 weeks; but still on the low end. His pediatrician-along with his mommy- are a bit worried with all the "ticks" and 'jerkiness" Matthew is doing. Dr Springman called his neurologist and got his EEG moved up to Tuesday. I'm waiting patiently-not really-for this appointment. I'm actually fairly apprehensive about it. I'm been silently concerned for a while now with his neurologic status. Something just doesn't feel right.

I'm also entering into a new area of,well, I guess you'd call it grief. I thought I was done crying about this hydrocephalus crap. These feelings haven't surfaced since before Matthew was born. But now I'm seeing him starting to miss milestones; not holding his head up, very RARELY smiling (and mostly when he smiles it's not at people, but when his favorite music is playing. ) The receptionist today when we checked in thought he was sick. He was nuzzled into my shoulder and she said, "oh poor baby, don't you feel good?". I almost burst into tears right there. I am actually very shocked I'm feeling this way. I mean, really; my baby is ALIVE. Not everyone is lucky and blessed enough to bring home babies. Lately, I've become very aware of those either through SIDS or stillbirth who aren't able hold and kiss there babies . I have a beautiful baby to smooch all day. But every once in a while, these feeling sneek in. I'm just, well, sad I guess. Sad he's not smiling very much; sad he's not holding his head up, sad he can't try out his new bumbo I bought for him, sad he can't ride in his sling facing out so he can get a new perspective of the world; sad he doesn't hold his head up well enough to tolerate sitting in his bouncy seat so he can watch his brothers and sister work on school work; sad that when i talk to him he more often cries than coos, sad that I'm sometimes relieved when he falls asleep because he's not fussing anymore. I'm sick of forcing medicine down my child 2 times a day. Even though his appointments have thinned significantly, I'm sick of doctors poking and prodding him, (although we LOVE, LOVE our occupational therapist that comes to our home each week.) and sick of trying to find places for my kids to be while we are at the doctors. More often they end up coming with us and it's really too much to ask 3 kids to sit still for 1-2 hours in an 8x9 room filled with things they shouldn't touch-we're all frustrated by the time the day's over.

All right, pity party is over. I almost deleted what I just wrote, but I'm gonna leave it. I want to be honest. I want everyone who reads this to know I LOVE this little guy with all my heart, and I thank God everyday for my beautiful little miracle; but that it's not always easy. It feels good to write it too. To just get it out. I guess it's free therapy :)

I'll post an update on his appointment Tuesday. I don't know how much we'll know until he sees the neurologist the next week, but I'll write what I know.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Happy birthday to Megan and my brother!

Megan turned 8 August 21 and my brother turned 27 today! We are full of August birthdays! Hey, I just realized that James and I both celebrated our golden birthdays in the same year. Cool,huh

Thanks, Connie for the pic! I "stole" this from my brother's MIL's blog! This one was better than the one I would've posted!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

3 months old and random bits

Matthew is 3 months old today. And we've survived the first 3 days of school, whew! I didn't fall of the face of the earth either :)

Matthew 3 months old, wide awake and content!

Matthew's first friend! This is Miles, and he lives here in Lincoln, and he is so stinkin' cute. He was also born with hydrocephalus and it's wonderful to have another family in town to bounce ideas off of.

Our traditional "first day of school" picture. Mason had to be included,too!

Mason, getting ready to go outside. Like his shiner?? Trampoline accident-he met Micah's head :(

My brother, "uncle Curt" snugglin Matthew. He was quite fussy the evening this pic was taken, but Curtis could get him to settle right down, and then they slept!!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Happy Birthday to my mother!

This was taken last year! Mom and Megan share the same birthday month. But it's my moms birthday today, and a special one since it's 08/08/08! Cool huh! Happy birthday to the best mom ever! We love you lots and LOTS!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Blog?....What blog?

Okay, so I've fallen off the blog bandwagon :( I love my blog, hey I just redecorated; but life is starting to get busy again! Or...should I say busier! I officially go back to work tomorrrow. Bummer... it's a good thing I LOVE what I do, because I have REALLY enjoyed being home. Unfortuneately, I carry the insurance and it's pretty good insurance. Steve works for a small (2 employee) company, so NO benefits. And now we'll ALWAYS have to have good insurance> So it's back to work I go.
School is starting soon, like the 18th! Some of you may or may not know; we homeschool, so truly we could wait on this a week, but I like to have a schedule and stick with it if possible. I haven't even pulled out my materials yet (good thing I bought them while I was still pregnant!). I need to get my heiny in gear! Really, all I need is one GOOD day to get ready. Hopefully that'll be this Sunday or Monday.
And, Mr. Matthew does not understand the meaning of bedtime yet. I don't know why, but bedtime usually comes somewhere around 2-4 a.m. for me. See he's in our room, and I try to keep him quiet as Steve has to work in the morning; which usually puts us in the living room. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight in my bed for a LONG! time. I'm itchin' for a routine, but I can't seem to get him into one. Between his last surgery, reflux and figuring out he's intolerant to dairy in my milk, he's not been the happiest camper. may not see much of me around these parts for a couple weeks...please forgive me. I will return when we get into a groove! I'm a little worn and weary, PRAISE GOD I have older children who can help me and let me nap in the afternoon. I am very blessed!!
I will however (hopefully) in the next couple days post some pictures. Matthew has made his first friend! We were able to get together with another family here in Lincoln who's child was also born with hydrocephalus. His Mommy, Sherri, also has a blog and has been a huge inspiration and "go-to" person when questions arise. Miles is 4 1/2 months older than Matthew, it helps to know where we're going! Sherri, her husband Joe, Greta and Miles came to our home Monday and we had great time and the kids played well. Our kids had a blast with their daughter, Greta, who is 2. I had to GENTLY remind them though, that she is only 2. They wanted to bounce her on the trampoline and all sorts of other things!
Well, off to deal with Mr. fussy. He's had his share of his swing.