Wednesday, May 20, 2009

1 Year ago today

Last night as I was contemplating the fact that we were on the verge of Matthew's 1st birthday, I couldn't help but thinking back to 1 year ago. We had an early trip up to Omaha to see the doctor first and then be admitted at 10:30 for my cesarean. I was so excited, but dually sad for my pregnancy to end, and to enter the journey of unknown territory. I remember him crying as he was born at 12:42 and crying like I hadn't cried with any of my children's births. I remember my friend, Brenda, who had come to be with Steve and I, say that he looked great and I was so relieved. I barely remember going to see him that afternoon. I remember being soo tired, that after we got to the room, I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to finish packaging up the cord blood collection kit. I slept most of the afternoon while Steve promised to be with Matthew. I remember the nausea that accompanied the pain medication I was on. I remember going to see him in a wheelchair that evening and the nausea overcoming me as I was moving out of bed and then riding in the elevator (and consequently wretching numerous times). I remember holding my baby and not hardly being able to keep my eyes open, but wanting so desperately to stay by his side. I remember returning to my room absolutely beside myself because I couldn't even take care of my newborn (like I could've done anything anyway...but I was emotional) I remember crying myself to sleep that evening (at 8pm) while the nurses reassured me I needed to sleep and Matthew was well taken care of. I remember Steve looking at Matthew in his little crib in awe, saying 'can you believe some people don't allow babies like him live and choose to end the pregnancy???' I remember my aunt coming to see me at 2 in the morning because her flight had just gotten in from CHINA,(she had just come to get a report from the nurses, but they had told her I was awake..which I was) and we were both wide she fed me jello and ice chips while we talked.

I also remember how proud I was of this new little baby. I remember deciding that no matter what anyone said, he was perfect, just the way God made him, and he had a purpose would be loved beyond imagine.

The next days were full of ups and downs...and we couldn't wait to get him home. His siblings didn't seem to care about the wires that he was connected to...they loved him so much and were already fighting over who was going to get to hold him.

A year later, even though I sometimes struggle with his lack of "normal" progress, I also look at what he has overcome. I am in awe of his strength...and through it all, his sweet personality. And I can't wait for him to show us what God has in store for his beautiful life... And, we love him beyond measure...and there are so many people out there that love our sweet Matthew, it's incomprehendable. And, above all, he IS perfect to us, no matter what his medical charts say about his 'developmental delays' and 'anomalies'.


Happy 1st birthday! I can't believe it's been a year already. I can't wait to see where our next year brings us. We love you so much!

P.S. more birthday pictures to follow...we are having his party the 24th...


Sherri said...

Jill- That was absolutely beautiful! I can not believe that he is really 1! Isn't God's plan for our lives incredible? I can not wait to continue to watch Matthew grow and feel incredibly blessed to be one of the people that has gotten to meet this sweet little boy. Hoping to see all of the Soldatke's a lot more often this summer!

Kristen said...

What a beautiful way you wrote about your memories one year ago.

Steve sounds like a great partner in life to you. I remember, another time when Matthew was in the hospital, you wrote about Steve making you laugh. It was not because he was not respecting the situation but rather he always has a way of making a tough situation bearable.

Matthew is perfect!! Cayman sure thinks so too. :-)

Lisa said...

I am so glad that you have this blog so that I have been able to share a little piece of this year with you.

Matthew is such a blessing!

Carla said...

I love your post Jill. The pictures are beautiful. I have loved watching Matthew grow & accomplish more & more & am so glad that you share your family with us here in blogland:)

Keesler Chaos said...

You made me cry!!! That little guy needs a superhero cape! And one for you too!

Michelle said...

*sniff* I always cry with these things. It's so wonderful to look back at where our little ones started and to see how far they have come. You are a wonderful Mom and he is an amazing boy. And if Steve is reading too, he's a wonderful Dad, and the rest of the M's are wonderful siblings. In short, a wonderful family that I am priviledged to have met on our journey.

Sweetest Girl in the World said...

Thank you for sharing this, it was beautiful!!! A year goes by so quickly!! Happy birthday Matthew!! We hope you have a wonderful birthday party!!!!