The things I don't like to blog about

I don' t even like to blog on days like this. I'll just come out and say it..Matthew's in the hospital; AGAIN. I hate blogging about it so much that the last time we were in the hospital (a month ago) I chose not to; because I get sick of blogging about hospital stays. This time; is no different. But this time; Matthew got VERY sick. Sick enough that this normally cool headed, laid back momma; started to get nervous. Started to worry about the what-if's. H1N1 (a.k.a. swine flu) and a child who is medically complex don't mix well. To say that I have been hyper vigilant over the last few days trying to keep him stable enough to stay out of the hospital is an understatement. My living room looks a bit like a hospital room. Nebulizers, a "special bed" set up for him so he could be comfortable and breathe easy, pedialyte, syringes, medications, diapers, extra jammies, and all the like right there at my disposal. So, yesterday at 4 pm when Matthew started getting more and more agitated (to the point where I couldn't hold him) and he was breathing around 80 breaths a minute (try it, you'll hyperventilate). I called the doctor's office. They said, he's probably in pain from the flu. I first hand, know HOW uncomfortable H1N1 is. It's horrible, you hurt.EVERYWHERE. You want to curl up and crawl into a hole somewhere. So more Tylenol, more ibuprofen. I put oragel on his teeth just in case that his sore gums were adding insult to injury. I used his g-tube extension to "burp" him; so to speak. I couldn't get him comfortable. Still, he was breathing way too fast. Steve (who, by the way, is now incredibly sick with the flu also) was insistent on me taking him the ER. I, however, drug my feet. I said I was sure that I was missing something simple, and that it was probably nothing(read: denial). Finally, I caved, but I was only taking him to the local ER, not Omaha. I was sure it was nothing.



When we got there, they immediately got an IV in (first try!!PRAISE Jesus!), did lab work and a chest xray. All labs were negative and his xray was fine. Matthew was inconsolable. Now that he didn't have any clothes on; he had ripped up his skin on his with his fingernails so hard he was bleeding. I had to put socks on his hands to keep him from scratching himself. He grunted and cried (which by now he was hoarse) and arched and wiggled all over the bed. Holding him didn't seem to help. I called my brother (who is a fellow nurse) to come sit with me. He brought me food. He's the man (oh and he's single; and AWESOME, and good-looking, by the way {shameless plug}) Okay, sorry; got a little off track. Ahem...

The nurse was trying to keep calm; she kept looking at me and saying "thank-you for being so calm; it helps us do our job". Then she started saying things like, " You know he cannot keep breathing this fast for this long, he's going to wear out". I could tell that the longer we were there, the more anxious about him she was getting. She kept her cool, but I knew she was concerned.


They did 3 breathing treatments. Nothing changed. The pediatrician on call came in. He didn't know was else to do. Then they started talking about transport to Omaha. They said he could be admitted there, but if he worsened at all, he would have to quickly be taken to Omaha. They talked about trying to sedate him, but they were worried his breathing would be affected even more. They also talked about the possibility of intubating him if he got worse. THEN I got scared. I started getting images in my mind of things going bad and frantic transports to another hospital that is over 50 miles away. We decided it would be best to go to Omaha now. They talked for awhile about taking the helicopter...the helicopter??..I didn't want to go in the helicopter!! I started wondering if he was worse off than I realized. They did some additional lab work to check his oxygen levels in his blood and determined in the end that we could go by ambulance. I was semi-relieved.



We rolled into Omaha around 1am and then spent time in their ER. They weren't sure if they were going to need to admit him to the PICU or to a regular floor. Matthew was all the while agitated and still breathing fast. We did finally get into a room around 2 a.m. Despite attempts to just let him be and calm, he wouldn't. They finally gave him something to calm him and as I'm writing this, he is still asleep. He must be exhausted. He was agitated and breathing hard yesterday for around 10-12 hours. I'm hoping he sleeps today...the nurses are trying very hard to let him sleep and coordinate times of doing things to him.


As much as I hate blogging about these hospital stays; I am forever grateful to you out there who care so much about Matthew and keep up on our family. Thank you for praying. Thank you for caring. I am grateful to have an outlet to keep you all informed. I maybe as much don't hate the blogging part of it; as the actual being in the hospital. I long for my bed, my family and our routine. I long to have some normalcy (is that a word?) to our lives. Matthew will hopefully soon be on the way back home again. He needs rest and time. H1N1 is UGLY. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.